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[10 Jun 2005|08:14am] |
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
ASHLEY MADE AN ACCOUNT HERE
AHHHHHHHHH FUCKING CHARLOTTE I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SHOWED HER MINE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm deleting this thing RIGHT NOW. I'll contact whoever I want to stay on my list when I make a new one.
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[09 Jun 2005|08:56pm] |
OH DEAR LORD HELP ME I'M LISTENING TO CIARA. Yeah, her. Natasha being a bit of an idiot, she can't figure out how to work the MP3 player we both have, so she asked me to do it for her. I need to ask David if he minds that I copy music to his computer first, so for now I'm just listening to it. Its catchy. I like 'Oh' a lot, or at least, Meaghan's version. She's such a damn good singer.
Full rehersal day. I finally got spazzed at for not knowing my lines. I spent almost all day with Colin, trying to memorize and fixing his cues. 82 came in for the last period, and Alessia was whispering to Meaghan probably about me 'scamming on her man'. Meaghan and I have discussed this a lot today: if I do anything with him, she will be mad only because I could actually do that to a friend of mine. She was horrified at the Bassi incident and as much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE how Colin smells, I will not do anything without her permission. We don't even need to ask him, he's already thoroughly convinced that we're going to have a threesome. Oops.
She wants me to double date with them tomorrow. I don't want to bring Bassi. I want to bring Iris but she's afraid that me and Iris will make out and Colin will be distracted by the girl-on-girl action. Oops. I haven't asked either of them yet. She thinks that I should just bring whoever, and me and her will sit next to each other and randomly start making out to see what our 'dates' do. ROFL. Okay, Meaghan.
We went swimming at Bassi's. Me, Megs, Ram. Bassi, of course. Fun. Sort of. I wasn't exactly in the mood for it, but it was a hot day. FOR SOME FUCKING REASON, WE SPENT AN HOUR GOING FROM THE SHOWER THE SAUNA AND BACK AGAIN. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. No more heat. No fucking more. I left my underwear there. I went home commando IN JEANS. I don't think I need to say that the first thing I did when I got home was put underwear on. Guhhh.
I still have no idea what to do about Bassi. Agh. Whatever.
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[09 Jun 2005|08:10am] |
5 minutes after I left yesterday, Mish called. So I hung out with her instead of going for my solitary walk.
I love being with Mish. Its just absolutely great. We girl talk, I mean, real girl talk. We threw pinecones into the road and giggled when cars ran over them. We played with the sillicone padding in her bra, it was very odd. I want a sillicone pillow really badly now.
I decided that if Northern isn't going too great, I'll try out for ESA. Drama only. If I were going to worry about where Mish is going, I would have picked Music Theatre had we been in the same grade. But since there is absolutely no chance of me getting into any of her classes, I'm going purely for what *I* want. Which is drama. So drama it is.
I actually have to go to school today. But it won't be real, it will be rehersal. For which I still have not memorized my lines. OOOOOOPS.
I still don't know what to do about Bassi. Feh. I'm not so worried about it. Of course, that could be because I never think straight in the morning.
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[08 Jun 2005|05:25pm] |
Char asked me for Bassi's number. So I gave to her and called to warn him that she would probably call. We ended up talking for a few minutes, but only a few. He was driving me insane. I finally just hung up on him. I felt guilty, so I called back. He was like "What? I'm going swimming." I was like "FINE, BYE." Way to notice something is wrong, Daniel. I've noticed something: he has two moods: giddy and exhausted. That's it. Fuck. I don't even know why I'm so mad. I HATE THIS.
I think I need to break up with him. I really, really don't want to though. He's good for me in a lot of ways. He's great to me in the first place. Fuck. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him. I've never dumped anybody before. Okay, Ben. Whatever, that was nothing, we only went out once and that was in a group and we didn't even sit next to each other and I didn't even like him that much anyways. (speed that up, and that's what I'm like high)
I don't know. I really, truly fucking do not.
I need to get the hell out of here.
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[05 Jun 2005|08:48pm] |
Oh. My god. This weekend? B-A-N-A-N-A-S, bitches.
Friday, Meaghan slept over. Yeah, man, she's christened the new room. We went to Little Jamaica. Got hit on. Walked with some guys, visibly older than the 16 the oldest claimed to be. We went to a park. It was EXTREMELY sketchy. And bad. To cheer ourselves up, we bought Rasta necklaces from a jeweller with a 15 year old girl in St Lucia.
We were going to go to Cottingham fair Saturday, but decided not to. We bought some weed from -----. He gave us two extra grams because we let him use the apartment to bag his shit. We called Mish. Mish came over. It wasn't fun. The guys just went insane. It was terrible. They left. We left. Went to the ravine to smoke, Mish didn't want to. Megs and I couldn't fix our 'bong' (a water bottle) so we tried rolling it into some tissue paper we found on the bridge. At first, it didn't work. Then mom called. And Meaghan fixed it. I was inhaling marijuana while on the phone with my mother. Oh man.
We found Mish again. Ate the rest of the weed. Yeah. Ate it. Tastes like shit and I don't reccomend it if you actually want to get high. Went to the resevoir. I KNOW I didn't spell that right. Bassi came too. It was fun. We saw this guy biking around a few times and he stopped to ask us for a light. He's 16, name is Gareth and goes to Trinity. The boarding school where Poppy will go and Daisy is graduating from this year. He knows Daisy. He rolls his own cigarettes and can french-inhale. He had some weed on him. We smoked some in his pipe and then went off near some bushes to roll a joint. Mish had some from the pipe and two tokes from the joint. I smoked like, all his stuff. Oops. He said it was okay though. He was hot. Looked like Rocky from RHPS. So he left eventually. I was afraid Bassi was angry with me for ditching him for a hot 16 year old who had drugs. Oops. He came back, and I smoked some more of his hand-rolled cigarettes. He let me try some pastis, I think it was, some really really really really high percentage alcoholic thing. We had to dilute like 3 times before we could get it to go down smoothly. Tasted like black licorice, felt like rum going down. It was awesome. We had a camera. I took pictures of it all but I finished my last one on Bassi before Gareth showed up. Some of them were of weed though, so I'll have to develop them in BC.
So we went back to Meaghan's. Made some perogies. Connor and Tristen called. Mish went home, we went to Connor's house. They were in a tent on some private property. With 12 grams of weed. 12 fucking grams. And a bong. We smoked a gram in the tent and then Tristen and I went outside. You would not believe how hard it is to smoke with a bong. On your throat, I mean. I had like, 4 asthma attacks that night. We had like, 2.5 grams the first time. Went back in. Smoked another .5, went back out, smoked ANOTHER 2.5. They dared me and Meaghan to kiss. It sucked, she just wanted to get it over with. I could hear Connor jacking off in the background. EW. They left me alone with him. I couldn't make up my mind as to whether I wanted him or not. It was like this. "Connor, no. Wait, yes, come here. WAIT CONNOR NO! Never mind, come here. Yes, yes, mmm NO NO NO OFF OFF! Wait, I liked that, come here. Mmmmmmm yeah Bassi, keep go-BASSI! NOOOOOO CONNOR GET OFF!" Jesus. I had to go out and smoke some more to get over that. Only .5 though. And then Connor and Meaghan took the bong outside, left me and Tristen in the tent. My high started coming into effect. Sweet Jesus. It was.. amazing. Mish said that once I was really high the first time, I would realize that all those other times I was merely buzzed. OH MY GOD. I was out of my fucking mind. I had pinprick dots in front of my eyes. I couldn't see anything clearly. My body was like jello. Everything was fucked. Noises were distorted. What little I did see was like having pictures put right in front of me. I talked a lot and LOUD. Everything made so much sense. Oh man, it was amazing. I'm not even sure of the sequence of events anymore. Some people were on a phone and we were convinced they were calling the cops, so for some damn reason, we moved the tent closer to the fence. Wtf... okay. And we lost the bong. I don't know how the hell it happened but we couldn't find the bong. We scattered and tried to find it and Connor saw it on some grate thing we hadn't been near at all. We went back in the tent. No idea what happened next but there was a huge kerfuffle (BWAHAHAHA) and I went out and smoked another gram by myself. Eventually, we had to leave before the buses stopped running. The trains had stopped by the time we made it to Eglinton. We got to Meaghan's around 3. It was fucked. I don't clearly remember it all. It feels like a dream, but Meaghan was there and we know it was real. I had the munchies so badly. I ate almost everything I could find in her house that didn't take effort to make. We made Kraft Dinner. Without milk. Sour cream and water, because I was still fucked and she can't cook. I made hot chocolate and realized I was about to pass out. Tristen was passing out when we left. He said before you passed out, you would get really really tired and so dizzy you couldn't walk. I was getting that. I almost forced Meaghan to go to bed. I was like FUCK and blacked out a couple of minutes after my head hit the pillow. I didn't dream.
I woke up this morning at 11 on the dot. Creepy. We cleaned. Met mom and she gave us money. We went to FleurDeLys and Subway for brunch. It was delicious. Thomas and Amir tried to drive her van. Not funny. I went to Bassi's. I was still baked but as far as I could tell, I didn't look or smell it. He was cleaning but I made him stay with me for 5 minutes. 5 minutes turned into two hours. I was still high, I think, or maybe it was just the mentality of it that stayed with me but oh god what we did was absolutely orgasmic, pun definetly intended. I'm not sure what we did last but if ever before I've doubted about orgasms, that one changed everything. I saw spots afterwards. I almost fell asleep on him. We took some laundry down and when he went back to get the soap, I fell asleep in the laundry room. It was the best orgasm I have ever had. Oh my god. We went back upstairs for about a minute when he saw his mom coming in to the building. I grabbed my stuff, kissed him quickly and ran down the stairs. I was hungry. Starving. I read a bit in the park on Davisville and then I walked to PizzaPizza. Mmm garlic sauce. Fucking addictive. I read there too. I went to Starbucks for dessert (one or two s's? gah!) and since they ran out of my drink before it was finished and had to give me the smaller size they gave me a coupon for a free drink. YES, SCORE, MAN! I eventually had to go home. I really need to shower. BADLY. But I'm oh so lazy.
Who ever would have thought that I would have smoked 4 times yesterday? 7 or 8 grams in total? Somehow, the number changes every time I calculate it. With Bassi, it was 10. Wtf... Anyways. It was a lot of weed. Too much but that's okay, I doubt it will ever happen again.
But now I really want some more. Haha.
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[31 May 2005|06:55pm] |
I'm reading all my old GJ's. They weren't half as bad as the old LJ I used to have. I want to switch names but I know it won't be any different and I don't want to move my friends around.
I came across the entries I had written those few days with Will. Oh man. I was smitten. Head over heels. Drunk, for part of that weekend. I was SO drunk, oh man. Not giggly-drunk, but feel-good-mellowed-out-drunk. I wish I could have that again, but I don't want to get sick afterwards. The only thing that happened to me that weekend was a hangover Monday morning. I think that was the day I ate almost a pint of Heavenly Hash. Something I wish I could do now. I've been eating since I got home, but snacks, not a real meal. Everybody's out, so I think I'll take advantage of that and make something nice and hot.
And sit on the balcony and listen to Aerosmith and watch the sun set. Completely ignoring the fact that it will be a good couple hours before that happens.
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[31 May 2005|06:20pm] |
God, I'm tired. They came back around 5 this morning. What the hell.
My sleeping patterns are fucked.
I didn't see Bassi today. I miss him. He's sick and I'm seeing him tomorrow.
Char and I are going to Starbucks for lunch tomorrow. What the hell? I had an iced Machiato today. Mm mm good but the caramel was frozen. Blegh.
Mom left for her class. I have no bed. All the furniture is being moved around. You'd think I wouldn't be so upset. But I truly am. This is my apartment, the 2 rooms with tiny kitchen I've been living in for almost 6 years now. I loved it the way it was. All these things he's setting up here is just marking his territory. I hate it.
I said to Meaghan last night, "You know how you hear all these stories about kids and their parents getting divorced and the kids going crazy? You know how you never ever think that will happen to you and you're so above it? I discovered today that I'm really not."
I feel riddiculously stupid.
I want to listen to music but I can't make up my mind on what to listen to.
I'm so tired. I want Bassi. He's the only one who I feel can handle me. And I'm so scared. What if he decides he doesn't want to be with me any more? Exactly when I started getting so attached. Oh man.
we used to leave the blue lights on... and there was a beat...
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[30 May 2005|09:58pm] |
Sweet Jesus Christ. Oh my god.
I am so tired.
I have been crying for almost half an hour. Just crying and crying. I can't take this.
I want my house back. I want my mother back. I want them to all go the fuck away.
on the bright side, i'm now the girlfriend of a sex god.
Honestly, Bassi has been so good to
me. We spent a lot of time with each other on the weekend. I was home
for a total of an hour on Saturday. I came back from Mish's, ate, and
went back out again. I went swimming with Bassi. We sauna-ed, we tried
to shower but realized his bathtub is just too small. Started watching
Titanic. I was so tired, we didn't do very much, he understood, the
darling. I called Catherine. We saw Star Wars with Poppy and Erin and I
crashed at her place. Her mom made us pancakes in the morning. I love
her family so much. Poker (their dog) died a while ago and the house
seems very empty without her. Mom called me when I was about to go back
to Bassi's. I met her at Starbucks. She was under the impression I had
been at Meaghan's. Oops. We went to Ed's, the CD store. She bought
Tristen a Seal CD. Asked me if I wanted anything. I asked her if she
had extra money or something. She said David had given some to her. I
pointed to Metric. She bought it. I figured she was being so nice to
me, I couldn't just leave her alone with Rachel. I hung around with
them for about an hour before I cracked. I hate that child. With a
passion. I finally just said "Thank you for everything, but I need to
go to Meaghan's and get my stuff and if you want me to come home
afterwards, I will but I need to go now."
On the NOW, my voice cracked and my eyes filled with tears. My mom
nodded apologetically. I cried all the way to Bassi's, listening to
Metric. He called me once on the way there, thinking I had tried to
come up but in reality, I was still walking down his street and had
just stepped into a puddle. I murmured that I needed to take a shower
when I got there. He said okay, didn't question a thing. He let Angus
out to meet me when I reached his floor, hid behind the door. I kissed
him quickly and headed straight for the bathroom. God, thank you,
Bassi. I needed to be alone for a while. I cried, prayed he wouldn't
find it kinky to come in there and get in with me. He didn't. We
watched the rest of Titanic. I got cramps. Realized my period was due
Monday (today, it came, like a faithful puppy) and I tossed a bit,
trying to squash the pain. He held my stomach with me, kissed my neck
when I sucked in my breath and whimpered. At the end of it, we took
Angus and bought tortellini and returned the movies we had rented for
his mom a week ago. We came back and she was home. Bernice is so great,
she really is. She sent us back out for anchovies and something else.
Taught me how to make Caesar dressing by hand, gave me the recipe. We
made soup and salad and garlic bread. We stank afterwards. He walked me
back to the subway with Angus. He's amazing. He tries to tell me how
beautiful I am, or something, I block it out and become distant. I'm so
sorry for it all. I think it hurts him. I try not to. Its reflex. I
want to make it up to him somehow, I really, truly do. He's the best.
I freaked out about an hour ago, called him. He was so quiet, he felt
sick or something. Poor guy. I didn't bother him, or at least, I hope I
didn't. I told him to sleep and call me later. Oh man.
I'm so afraid to say I love him. I don't think I do. It means so many
bad things if I do. That I'm stupid, I'm young, I don't know what love
is, I'll get too attached and when its finally time for us to seperate,
I will be crushed. God. I don't know. I reaize that every time I leave
him, get on that train and go home or wherever, I start to ache for
him. I took his sweater when went out yesterday. I wore it all night,
took it off when I got home, put it on and wore it to school this
morning. Mother thinks it belongs to Meaghan's brother so I had to
leave it at school. It smells of him. I want to do what I did with
Colin's Aerosmith shirt; spread it on my pillow and bury my face in it,
breathe the scent in while I sleep.
I haven't slept in my own bed in 5 days now. I still won't, mom went to
drop off the kids with David, I have no idea when she'll be back or
even if she's coming back but she told me to sleep in her bed again.
Sweet jesus. I want my own bed, my room. Rachel has a lot of my old
clothes. What the fuck. She big enough so that they fit. They're long
on her, but the excess material is taken up by her stomach. Don't get
me wrong, I know I'm large but she is just fat. I have big bones in the
first place, what fat I have is evenly spread on my legs, my hips, my
butt. But her body is slender, she just has this growing stomach. Its
absolutely disgusting. The child is always eating. Always. Mom says she
asks about me all the time, that she really likes me. I hate her. I try
not to show it, but I know I'm still mean. She does everything I do.
This morning, I woke up late and rushed to get out of here on time. She
stops me at the door, asks me where I'm going like its any of her
business. I say hell and ask if she's coming with me. She says NOO like
I'm the biggest fucking idiot alive. (maybe...?) I glare at her, pierce
her with my eyes, call her a fucking brownoser and walk out, slamming
the door. I hate her. I don't hate her for what she is; the daughter of
my mother's lover. I hate her because she's an annoying little fucker.
She's young, stupid, immature. I abhor people like that. I am never
having kids and have told Bassi so. Tristen and David came in around
midnight, slapped two matresses one on top of the other in the living
room and fell asleep. Fuck them. I can't believe my mother is standing
for this. I wouldn't and I show it. I make wise cracks at who the
responsible one is, who is getting taken care of, who's got the short
end of the stick. David doesn't notice. Or if he does, he pretends not
to. I hate him too. He is tearing my mother apart and as different as
we are, I could kill him for it.
Oh god. I hit the back button by mistake. I thought I had lost this entire entry. I just screamed FUCK so
loudly the computer shook. I tried to fix it so fast, I hit the forward
button and the entry came back again. Oh god. That was absolutely
riddiculous. I'm still crying. Oh god.
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[28 May 2005|09:24am] |
Je suis at Mishbah's. We're listening to the Beatles, on RECORD, on her RECORD PLAYER and I feel very very retro.
Dr Love was last night. It definetly wasn't as good as the first one, like, by far. It was so louuuud. But yeah. It was fun. Joce came, I like Joce. "That guy has such a phone sex voice." "Oh, I like phone sex." That girl.. lol. Bassi came too, that was fun. I was afraid to do much with him because I thought maybe people would think I was trying to make Will jealous. Speaking of which! I had some contact with him. I took some pictures and then he jumped in them and I was like "Wanna talk again?" and he laughed and smiled and didn't say anything so I walked away. And guess who else was there? CATHY. Yeah, when Mish told me that I was like FUCK FUCK FUCK and ran away with Bassi but soon decided I was lonely. So I went back and bah, it was fine. Her and Jelena.. oh man, they looked so tortured the whole time. I kept telling Cathy to smile, and she did (or didn't I wasn't sure) and then yeah, whatever. The bands before Dr Love SUCKED HARDCORE ALEXIS ON FIRE ASS! I don't actually have anything against AOF, just the bands who try to be like them and fail miserably. There were so many... emo kids! Ah man. Joce and I were joking about taking curling irons to the preps' hair. WE SAW GILL. And she's so... she's still almost exactly the same. AND JOHO! Johannes... he was one of the two 'wet kids' running around, *MOSHING* (though you really couldn't call it that) and being so sweaty and he brushed past us and left a streak on Bassi's arm. Mish was like AHHHH. Bassi went into the pit a few times, and I had to hold Susannah's bag and oh man. I saw Alex and Nishan (!!! I THINK that was her name) more twins, lol and Alex was like "DAMMIT, WHERE DO I KNOW YOU FROM!" I always thought she was my age but it turns out she's in grade 9! Whoa. Wtf. Lol. Rob and some other kid were talking about Cathy behind us for a long, long time. Rob was like, "Hey, I know a Kathy..." and then started talking to me and the other guy was like, "No, no, the one by the stage! The Ramones girl!" I was like BWAHAHAHA. I know Rob's done some pretty shitty things but ahhh I like him anyway, that kid is great to me.
Anyways, yeah, we left early to go see Rocky Horror but ended up not because we were so damn tired. I bought a huge, HUGE bottle of water and was chugging it all the way back. Bassi left us at the station, and we saw this girl on the platform with a huge bruise on one cheek and a huge cut on the other. I was so thoroughly convinced it was makeup and Mish asked if she was okay but she was listening to music and didn't hear. Nnnnngh.
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[25 May 2005|05:17pm] |
I skipped today. Mom came home around 11, dropped some stuff off with David, and left again. For St Mary's. I slept in her bed and woke up at 9. Didn't bother going to school. I went to our old house, our first apartment when we moved away from dad. 8 Kingspoint Drive, apartment 6 on the first floor, 234-1808. I remember the most random things.
I got lost in the suburbs. I found my school from 3rd grade. Emilia's house. Katie's house. Erin's house. My house. My school, my old life.
I was so dehydrated. I just walked. Walked and walked and walked and occasionally listened to the Revolver album (the Beatles, go fucking figure) and calculated that I would have no TTC fare for Friday and how to get more.
I crossed a huge bridge, not realizing I had just passed Old Mill station. I wanted to be near the river. I went down some rocks, slipped, fell, and continued. I read one of the two books that happened to be in my bag.
I read the 6th NungaNunga book, however the hell that happened, I'm still not sure.
I left there at 3:30, determined to be home at a normal time. I checked the messages at home, deleted the ones from the school and wondered why nobody had picked up, mom had said she would be back the time I was.
She called a little while ago. She's still there and probably will be for a couple more hours. Mish called too. Forgot my skirt. Agh.
I want Bassi to be here, I want him to see my neighborhood, I don't always want to hang around his. But whatever.
I'm going to his house tomorrow. Deflowering is not on the agenda but may very well happen. I'm taking condoms.
Dr Love is on Friday. I bought the tickets from Bowman with Bassi on Monday. I gave Laura my x money on Sunday or Saturday. I can't remember.
I'm hungry. I want to cook, cook something real but I don't know what. David brought over a shitload of food. So I'll figure something out.
I'm so dehydrated. Still. I've drunk about 8 huge glasses of water since I've been home but I still have a headache. Oh well. Maybe that's from not eating all day. Trust me to never have any money when I need it.
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[24 May 2005|07:47pm] |
It occurs to me that I haven't updated in like, forever.
There really isn't much to say.
I'm trying to get Bassi to get an LJ but.. he's just the littlest bit dim right now. He's great, though. Honestly. Magic fingers and a crazy mind.
The guys were waiting for Amir at lunch while I was buying tickets and I asked Colin how 'lunch' was and he was like 'uhh, awesome? Why?' AND STILL DOESN'T GET IT. Christ.
I'm so tired. Jesus. I've been sleeping from like, 9 to 7 for the past week or so and I'm so damn tired.
Those letters we wrote to ourselves last year? Mine was so stupid, I cried. I cried in class, I cried with Bassi. I ended up crying A LOT with Bassi, jesus. Poor guy. I made HIM cry. "I don't like to see you sad." I had the fastest mood swing ever, things quickly turned sexual again. Oh man. I must be killing the kid.
Pasta is probably like, soggy by now. Ew.
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[20 May 2005|09:07pm] |
HOT PATOOTIE, REST MY SOUL, I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK AND ROLL!
Yay for RHPS.
I just got back from Bassi. I had to go back out and buy milk and things and I called him on my way, and he said he was in the middle of telling his mom about us and he would call me back when he was finished. So yeah. EEEEEEEK.
LONG WEEKEND, OH YEAH, BABY! Sleep, glorious sleep...
We were in the cemetary again. I gave him a hicky on his chest and then he gave me a hickey on MY chest. Mmmm. I love hickeys. And yeah, the fingersex was good too. I think the guy has a finger fetish. He thinks I have a pain fetish. Its quite funny. He'll bite me and I'll moan and yeah, its all good.
I'm so damn hungry. All I ate today was a hot dog and part of Bassi's giant Starbucks cookie. I'm making pasta. Mmmm.
DID I MENTION THE GREATEST PART OF MY DAY? His friends finally payed him back and he gave me 40$ to buy tickets and my share of drugs (he doesn't like them, otherwise he would have given me all 60) and then he tried to buy me a Chillate from Second Cup but I realized "HAH, I don't have to keep that 5 bucks lying around anymore!" and yeah. It was so sweet. Ahhh. I really, really like this kid. AND ITS ALL GOING SO WELL!
Sorry for all the caps. I've been in Tim Curry mode all day.
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[20 May 2005|10:15am] |
I have to post my latest WIER here because Hotmail never works on school computers. Sorry.
( Free )
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[19 May 2005|09:39pm] |
GAH. I'm hungry and hipnotized. Bassi lent me the Rocky Horror soundtrack. DAMMIT, JANET I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU
I just got home now. We were in the cemetery again. 3 orgasms. Good lord. I'm spent. And still slightly moaning. Oy vei. I'm tired all over and I think Meaghan is mad at me because she thinks I broke the bet (NO, I DIDN'T!, lol) but oh man, I feel GOOD. I was getting sort of nervous because I figured I would have to do something back and he sensed that and said "Kathy, its okay, I don't mind, I love you and whatever you do is fine with me, even if its nothing." I was like ":O you don't know what love is, teenie boy. But thanks." So yeah. And I wasn't totally prepared for my pants to get unzipped but gahhhhh I think the kid is a fucking guitarist or something. And he made me a necklace! I didn't quite catch it all (we were just the littlest bit busy when he was telling me this) but he made it a couple of days ago and its wire wrapped around beach glass and yeahhhhh its so darn cute. I found his secret spot on his neck. HAH I knew I couldn't just sit there and feel good. We went to the big willow tree, and carved things in it and got really cold and I don't know about him, but I got locked into the cemetary. When he left, he said "Love ya!" and I glared at him and he was like "Ahhh, I forgot. AHEM to an extent." "MUCH better. Night night, Bassi." A security guard drove up to me and asked where I was going. "Oh.. uh, I'm going out? Like? Home?" "Its locked. We close at 8." "OH SHIT." And he drove up and unlocked the gate for me. Awwn.
Ahhhh.
I'm so freaking hungry. I'm still thanking god mom wasn't home today. Someone kept calling me and I fear it was her but whatever, I'll figure it out.
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[19 May 2005|06:34am] |
AHH AHH AHHHHHH! Yesterday. Was. Amazing.
Bassi came after school, Erin and Gabbi wouldn't leave us alone and we got into a fight with Connor: he wanted to beat Bassi up because 'he looks like a fucking fag.' And I got mad, and wacked him in the head and yeah, Connor hates me. Fuck him.
We went to the cemetery and decided it probably wasn't the best idea to keep meeting at school. I'll figure something out today. I took him to the little fountain thing, which was empty but we found one near the greenhouse that was full of water. We had a water fight. YEAHHH. And snuggled. And then, I don't know how, but his shirt was off and that was great too. I'm crazy for smooth chests. Absolutely crazy.
We necked. Ladies and Mitch and Andrew, I necked. He was so pro at it, good lord, I'm shivering (in a good way) at the thought. I did it to him, and even though it was my first time, his leg was twitching like mad. And we made out. And it was great. I even took MY shirt off for a little while, but only a few minutes because we realized some little kids were running through our section. At some point, I moved his hand just a leeeetle closer to my butt and he... grossly misconstrued it. IN THE BEST WAY IMAGINABLE! For the first bit, I couldn't figure out if it was a raging hard-on or his hand but it soon proved to be his hand. Jesuuuuuuuus! I'm going out with a manwhore! And believe me, I'm very happy about it.
HE PICKED ME FLOWERS. Well, one red tulip and one purple one, but considering it was from the Mount Pleasant Cemetery, it was worth like, a billion store-bought roses. Somewhere along the way home, I lost the red one (DAMN) but I still had the purple one and its in water and I'm going to press it.
I got home at like, 8. And I went straight to bed. Didn't eat a thing, didn't do ANY homework (which probably a colossal mistake), just went to sleep. I was so tired. I slept from then until around 6. 10 HOURS. Almost as orgasmic as Bassi (but may I mention he neglected to actually get me off? Bahhh, we'll fix that today.)
His school is having a dance on Friday and he feels bad that I can't go so we're gonna have our own... somewhere, not sure yet. But I promised to wear the blue skirt.
Wheeeeee.
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[17 May 2005|09:16pm] |
HE'S A HAZY SHADE OF WINTER!!
Sorry. Bangles/Paul Simon moment.
Bassi was supposed to come after school. Me and mes amies waited for him for about an hour. Char left long before; I think she hates him with a burning passion. He didn't, and I called him when I was walking from Glencairn and he said he had been kept in class for a while blah blah blah I was like "FINE. Whatever. CALL ME NEXT TIME." He's supposed to come tomorrow.
I was a bit mad, and the Dan-Dans had baseball practice and yeahhh that was not fun. Dan was like "Aww, did Bassi stand you up?" and I gave him such a look, he cowered or at least pretended to.
I've been noticing that Daniel's being REALLY nice to me since he found out about Bassi. We had a locker cleanout and I found my White Musk body mist and I was spraying it into people's lockers and he let me spray it in his and all over his binder ("so they'll smell sexy!"). Gloria found a Care Bears pin and I was going to give it to Cara (Care-a) and Daniel asked if he could have it and I was like "....sure..." and he pinned it on himself and wore it all day. Yo, what the hell. He has a girlfriend and her name is Abby and she's a whore, he should be so happy.
And then when I was talking to Gabriel (they're close to each other's lockers) Daniel said something I didn't quite catch but it sounded like "You're so hot right now!" or "I'M so hot right now!", I couldn't tell. But I looked at him like "WHAT!" and walked away. God, I hope it was the second option because I can't say that despite Bassi I would hesitate to go out with him if he asked. Did that make any sense? It didn't to me!
I was home for a while when Bassi called again. He felt so bad and then I felt bad for being so mean and we talked for about an hour. And we were both listening to jACK at the same time and the Bangles came on with "Hero Takes A Fall", I think it was and I started singing along and he was like "AHHH YOU'RE 80s!" and I went to find my CD and am now copying it to the computer.
I'm trying to get used to having long nails, painting them and wearing this YingYang necklace. Its one I made in BC, hemp Cobra with a YY charm in the middle. The only necklace I've ever made that I wear on a regular basis. Mish has the dice one. It actually has a clasp! WHOA, I know. Its crazyness, I swear.
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[16 May 2005|10:49pm] |
AHHH! I'm walking on sunshine, I swear, yo.
Bassi and me are officially official. Its a long story, but yesterday when I got back from SM, I got together with Mishbah and went to Davisville and a while later, we went to Bassi's building to get him. And his ENORMOUS DOG NAMED ANGUS! His excuse for going out. Phew! We held hands. It was so cute, so cute! And Meaghan's mom said I could sleep over. So I did. We walked Mish to the subway, walked back, kissed (no tongue) and I discovered Meaghan is allergic to dogs. OOPS.
I had a small muffin and coffee for breakfast. She decided she also wanted coffee, and so we were late for school. Hah. Oops. I had a math test second. Failed. I answered 3 out of 10 questions. WHAT THE FUCK. I almost cried. I still hadn't yet spoken to Char. That came at lunch. Man, yeah. She decided we're still friends and that its okay for me to go out with him. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAHHHH!
So today. I had rehersal. He showed up! Around 4, when I told Mr C I had to go anyways. He waited by the door for me to finish my scene. AWWW. Ms Fraser knew he was MINE immediately and we're still slightly confused as to how. So we walked to the park near his house. He wanted to go actually to his house and I was like "KJDKLSJ NO."
We swang. We snuggled. We kissed. As I've been trying to explain to Iris... he doesn't use too much tongue. Its weird. ITS GREAT, is what it is. He mostly focuses on the lips and I LOOOOOVE THAT. I did the 'Iris Kiss' with him a lot, the one where you kiss in between words. And then he had to go. I went to Starbucks. REMIND ME NEVER EVER EVER TO DRINK MORE THAN ONE COFFEE IN A DAY. I only had like, half a sandwich and some of Char's Chinese. My stomach hurts like a motherfucker, it really does. OW. I was wincing all the way home.
Anyways, yeah. I called people. Lots and lots of people. I went back to Meaghan's. Bassi called and told me he was 'walking the dog' again. We found on Merton. Yeah. Meaghan left because we were holding hands again. Jeez. Way to be mature, man. We spent some time hovering around the subway. Angus can be such a pain, lol, but he's still adorable. HUGE dog, man, Amir was so scared of him last night, I almost cried laughing.
Everybody at rehersal saw him. "OOOH, IS HE YOURS?!" "YEAH!" "Blegh." Lol. It was great. I turned heads. Very fun.
He's so hot, everybody thinks he's ugly or something, I don't know, don't care ahhhhhh I'm obsessed. His eyes are like.. whoa. WHOA, man.
Even though I brushed my teeth I still taste Bassi. Bassitastic. Mmmm. I'm seeing him again tomorrow.
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[15 May 2005|02:48pm] |
We're leaving at 3, thank god.
Haven't yet called Meaghan back.
As far as I know, I'm back on Liz's and Poppy's good sides (from the Bassi thing). Poppy said Char was really freaking out. UGH, what a freaking mess. Meaghan thinks I should do absolutely nothing with him, but by now, I like him so much I don't even care and will probably go out with him anyways.
I woke up this morning so sick. I can't turn my head to the left. Wtf. Mom says that that's really bad and I need to see a doctor because something is definetly not right. David thinks I just slept wrong. I jumped out of my bed, took a shower, got dressed again and fell over and couldn't get up. I was so fucking dizzy. Body, what the hell. They made me take meds. Ew. Enormous gel things that got stuck in my throat. THAT is why I never took any medicine of any kind until last year.
Bassi wants to e-mail Char and apologize for this whole thing and sent me some sort of draft to make sure its okay and stuff. Last night, he was like, "Kathy, you're the greatest!" and I said "No, you just suck with women." -rolls eyes- I still don't understand all this. He met me once and talked to me for a few hours on the phone and already likes me so much, or so he says. I know what you guys are thinking, its weird that I do it too, but this happens to me ALL the time, its like my freaking hobby to attach myself to random people. I've never met a guy that does it before now. Jeez.
Jordan kept talking about M2M last night. I loved them and missed them and I want my house back so I can listen to the CD. I've had "Don't Say You Love Me" in my head for the past 2 days. How apropriate, no?
I'm slightly terrified by all this. What if I'm just setting myself up to be brought down again? What if all he wants is to make out or whatever? Part of me says "Fuck it, its been a while, who cares about the consequences, JUST FUCKING GO OUT WITH HIM ALREADY" and part of me is saying that I'm making a huge mistake.
Ugh. At least I have Birks.
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[14 May 2005|05:31pm] |
HOLY CRAP, YO! I bought Birkenstocks! Actually, mom bought them, to be precise. About 100$ but good god, who cares, I have Birks. REAL Birks. Soft and nice and comfy and mmmmmmmmstocktastic. I'm obsessed.
Ines just told me she thinks Gabriel is good looking. Excuse me while I go barf and manage not to get any of it on my pretty Birks.
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